All You Need Is Love. Is This True? Maybe Not…

Love Explained Through Citations – Part 1

All you need is love. Love is all you need. Is this true? Maybe not… Valentine’s Day is not far away and soon anything to do with love will take center stage giving people the perfect day to express their enduring love for one another; for me it is a good excuse to explore this love concept again, using various citations.

When people get together and get married, they do so with the hope and belief that they will live happily ever after, they don’t spend too much time thinking that things can go wrong further down the line. People sign on the dotted line for a love that is enduring. The Greeks call this type of love Pragma. [Feel free to read my article titled “8 Types of Love”, it is fascinating].

Pragma is a love that has aged, matured, and developed over time it is beyond the physical, it has ascended the casual to become something rare and precious. You can find Pragma in married couples who have been together for a long time. Unfortunately, Pragma is the type of love that is not easily found. We spend so much time and energy trying to find love and so little time learning how to maintain it. Pragma is the result of effort on both sides. It is the love between people who have learned to make compromises and have demonstrated patience and tolerance to make the relationship work.

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha.

The Buddhist philosophy puts a lot of emphasis on self-love, which they say is vital for health and happiness. We cannot recognize love in others unless we have it for ourselves. When we practice self-love we generate a good kind of vibe, people are drawn to us and want to be around us. So, what can we do with all that positive energy? We share it with people around us. Loving ourselves unconditionally the same way we love our children and pets is what we should strive for. But instead, we love ourselves with conditions. We expect to be happy with ourselves when we get the degree, the big job, the big salary, the perfect boyfriend/husband and the perfect body fat index.

Treat Yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.

Jordan Peterson

We should not however fall into the trap of believing that self-compassion gives us an excuse to be lazy, complacent and weak. Self-compassion means that you have enough self-awareness to know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Self-love is essentially about taking responsibility for one’s mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Those who practice self-love have good self-esteem because they can appreciate their accomplishments realistically while also recognizing where they have weaknesses that needs to be worked on.

On the other end of the spectrum, self-love should not be confused with narcissism and selfishness. Self-love isn’t about you ignoring everyone else’s needs, becoming super obsessed with yourself and everything you do, and acting like you are the center of the Universe. Instead, self-love is about having a positive relationship with yourself in which you take care of yourself, support yourself, and believe in yourself. A narcissist is someone who is overconfident borderline arrogant and who turns a blind eye to their weaknesses and imperfections while overblowing their positive qualities. Narcissists feed off of the adoration and praise of others and often demonstrate a fantastic lack of compassion for others.

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most love is lost” – Khalil Gibran

Communication is vital for a relationship to work. Talk frequently. Talk openly. Talk about everything, even if it hurts. Be willing to have uncomfortable talks. Be willing to have the fights. If something bothers you in the relationship, you must be willing to say it. Arguments are sometimes necessary, but make sure to choose what is worth fighting for and what is not.  During an argument, always remember that it is not you against your spouse but you and your spouse against the issue that is causing the disagreement.

Try to come to the bottom of what is causing the argument. Often you have one person who thinks that something is completely “normal” and the other thinks it is completely “bonkers”; trying to figure out who is being reasonable and who is being irrational and insecure can be a tall order. In this case, patience is required. Be patient in trying to figure out what’s what. Don’t rush towards a definite resolution to the problem. Sometimes there is no right answer, but progress has been made just by the fact that the issue has been discussed openly and needs to be processed separately.

Communication is important but according to Mark Manson (author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”), the most important factor in a relationship is not communication, but respect.  He came to this conclusion after receiving hundreds of personal testimonies from his readers and followers after he asked them to send him their best marriage advice ahead of his wedding that happened in 2016. From the responses he obtained, he noticed that the thing that people with marriages going on 20, 30, or even 40 years talked about most was respect.

According to Mark Manson, these people, through sheer quantity of experience, have learned that communication, no matter how open, transparent, and disciplined, will always break down at some point. Conflicts are ultimately unavoidable, and feelings will always be hurt. The only thing that can save you and your partner is an unshakeable respect for one another, the fact that you hold each other in high esteem, believe in one another – often more than you each believe in yourselves – and trust that your partner is doing his/her best with what they’ve got. Without that bedrock of respect underneath you, you will judge each other choices and encroach on each other independence.

Love is also a process. There are 4 stages of love.

1. Stage #1: Preparing for Love.
2. Stage # 2: Practicing for Love
3. Stage #3: Protecting Love
4. Stage #4: Perfecting Love

Those 4 Stages are described in a Guide that I wrote especially for you. Click here to have access to it.

And this my dear friend is your Quest.

If you wish to support my work you can purchase my book This is Your Quest online at BookLocker, from Amazon, or from Barnes & Noble. The Ebook version is available on Amazon (Kindle), Barnes & Noble (Nook), Apple (iBooks) & Kobo. Check out my Amazon Author Page here or my listing on Booksradar.com.

You can also follow me on my FaceBook Page and sign up for a Free Guide that I wrote for women to remind them that they should give themselves permission to be all that they can be.