The Art of Acceptance
Our Quest for happiness is perhaps instinctual, deriving from our earliest experiences for pleasure and gratification. Anyone whoβs familiar with babies will be familiar with the sense of upset or anger when a pleasurable state is interrupted, yet even as adults we rarely come to terms with the fact that good and bad are opposite sides of the same coin. Understanding that things that make pleasure possible can also be a source of misery is just one element to the art of acceptance.
Misery is also not just an absence of pleasure, but is also caused by unmet expectations and aspirations, and by a continuous need for approval in our personal and professional lives. These disappointments, some big and some small, cause some people a lot of stress and anxiety and may result in depression or other mental illnesses. But despite the imperfection in oneβs professional or personal situation, psychologists and therapists believe a lot of this struggle and stress is avoidable with a simple technique, acceptance, or to let things be.Β
What is Acceptance
A standard acceptance definition in psychology is a personβs assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change or protest it.Β
Acceptance does not equate to approval, which is more about having a good opinion of someone (or something) but is more a subtle feeling that connotes there is something in the situation less than appealing, but for various reasons we tolerate its imperfections.
A Lesson from the Beatles
Let it be, was the Beatles highest debuting single on the Billboard Hot 100, and their final single before Paul McCartney announced his departure from the band. The song, written by McCartney, was inspired by a dream he had of his mother who died of cancer when he was fourteen. During a tense period for The Beatle, recording the White Album in 1968 with members asserting individual artistic agendas, McCartneyβs mother came to him in a dream whispering these wise words, βIt will be all right, just let it be.β
McCartney, in a later interview, recalled waking up and remembering the dream, and thought, βWell, thatβs a great idea.β Mary was McCartneyβs motherβs name.
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
McCartneyβs decision to leave the Beatles came shortly after the release of the single; despite being his own decision, McCartney was devastated, and the ensuing lawsuits and contract releases were dubbed by Time magazine as BeatledΓ€mmerung, in reference to Wagnerβs opera about a war among the gods. Later, when asked whether he regretted it, McCartney replied philosophically:
βYeah, actually. Youβd have to say the way The Beatles broke up was a bit untidy, a bit ugly. We were such a great little band, it wouldβve been nice to just continue on, but the business side really crept in and got a bit sticky. I regret that. If I could have reversed that scenario, it wouldnβt have been a bad idea. But otherwise, no regrets, really. You do what you do, and try and make things work out, and have a bit of fun while youβre doinβ it. Thatβs the story for me, these days.β
Practicing Acceptance, or the Philosophy of Let it Be
Acceptance then, or the philosophy of Let it be, can help us accept a difficult situation, or the ups and downs we experience in everyday life. Let it be means let go, relax, donβt worry about your troubles. These words of comfort remind us not to think about sad things too much, to accept the bad things that have happened or bad decisions we have made, especially if there is no way we can change the situation.
Let it be is a beautiful reminder that you do not hold all the strings. You are not always in the driverβs seat and that you are not responsible for everything.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT, is a form of counseling that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies to allow people to open up to unpleasant feelings. ACT teaches to just notice, accept, and embrace private events, especially previously unwanted ones, rather than react to them.
ACT is not passive acceptance of painful emotions or psychological experiences, but an active approach through mindful behavior, attention to personal values, and commitment to action to help people change their attitudes. The change in attitude, acceptance β or learning to let things go, can be more effective than just trying to suppress negative emotions as bottling things up often just leads to more distress.
What to Accept?
When we recall happy memories, we are often nostalgic, and remind ourselves how things used to be. When we recall less happy events, there is a tendency to hold on to those unhappy memories too. My own father, for a full five years after he retired, would complain about his ex-boss on a daily basis. His constant rumination made him resentful and angry and caused a lot of suffering. If he learned to accept and let go, the suffering would likely go too.
βWhat you resist, persists.β
β Carl Jung
Accepting the reality of our situation allows us to move forward and gives us more energy to focus on the present moment, to feel grateful for the people and things we have now.
Does Acceptance Mean Conformity and Mediocrity?
By the time I was at high school, Iβd already resigned myself to the idea that I was not put on this earth to be a mathematician, astronaut or engineer and scraping through an algebra test with a bare-minimum passing grade used to make me really happy. Fast forward to today in Seoul where my two daughters go to school, it is a regular occurrence for high schoolers to score 100% not just on math tests, but across all the science subjects. Did my acceptance make me mediocre?
If itβs within your ability do better in a math tests, or a sports events, then you should do better. Acceptance shouldnβt be a drain on ingenuity and growth. If you are born poor and underprivileged, acceptance is not going to take you very far. Acceptance is not defeatist way of saying, thatβs the way it is, there is nothing I can do about it, itβs not about being lazy, but it may be about picking the important fights and forgiving past mistakes.
The Art of Acceptance
Writing this article taught me that there are times in our life where circumstances force us to accept the way things are, to accept our own limitations, to accept our current situation. There are times when we should Β be philosophical and be grateful for what we have.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
β The Serenity Prayer
And this, my dear friend is your Quest.
If you wish to support my work you can purchase my bookΒ This is Your QuestΒ online atΒ BookLocker,Β fromΒ Amazon,Β or fromΒ Barnes & Noble. The Ebook version is available on Amazon (Kindle), Barnes & Noble (Nook), Apple (iBooks) & Kobo. Check out myΒ Amazon Author PageΒ here or my listing onΒ Booksradar.com. β
You can also follow me on my Β FaceBook PageΒ and sign up for aΒ Free Guide that I wrote for women to remind them that they should give themselves permission to be all that they can be.
26 replies on βThe Art of Acceptanceβ
[β¦] via The Art of Acceptance β Author Joanne Reed [β¦]
An addendum to your Beatles story: before they had a record contract the band had an audition with Decca records, but werenβt accepted. That has to be one of the biggest mistakes of rejection ever, in the world of music, at least.
Thanks Clive for stopping by and for your addendum to the Beatles Story! I can think of another huge rejection mistake(s) of recent times that may match the one made by Decca Records but this time in the world of literature. Imagine how lousy the 12 publishers who rejecting JK Rowling Harry Potter manuscript must feel?!π±π°π΅πΆπ·
I knew she been rejected but hadnβt realised it was 12 times! Some businesses need to heed the lesson of this post!
Agree! There are lessons here for publishers and there are also lessons here for wannabe Authors βThe Art of Perseveranceβ!
Guess why Iβll never be an author π
You may not be an author but you are a blogger π it is only a small step to cross over β¦
I count myself as an occasional blogger: from here in the foothills that looks like an enormous mountain. Maybe one day β itβs not as though Iβll be going out much any time soon, is it!
Well thought out and structured.
Thank you for stopping by and for your comment ππ! Glad to hear this article resonates with you.
It actually has a lot of good advice, I got a lot out of reading it, thank you.
ππ
Very interesting thought, thank-you for sharing!
Also, which book have you written? π§π»ββοΈ
Thank you for your comment and feedbackππ! I am the author of βThis Is Your Quest- it is a self-help book that defies the genre. If you go on my website http://www.authorjoannereed.net you will find all the information about the book including some book reviews. You can buy it online directly from my publisher http://www.booklocker.com/9732 or from Amazon. Make sure to get the 2nd edition. I would really like to get your feedback on the book in due course.
Okay, thank-you so much! Iβll surely check it out. Have a lovely day! π π
π
I love your writing voice, itβs elegant and full of promise. I needed this post today. Such a wonderful reminder to let go and live in the moment.
Thank you Lorraine for your kind wordsπβ€. So glad to hear this article resonates with you!
Wow, I appreciate how you have been able to βacceptβ your role in your daughtersβ lives. I too have had a similar internal dialogue within myself. Reflecting upon my history, I know that my projected βtrackβ is not where I ended. I have needed to not push my daughter toward what think is best for her (admitting that I, being white/male/heterosexual have had it easy-ish) and allow her to make, then learn from mistakes. I hope to complete a post toward that end, but thank you for your scope and views.
Best,
K
Thank you, Keith, for stopping by and for your comment.
Version française de ton article ici :
https://lewisfoxyone.home.blog/2020/03/26/lart-de-lacher-prise/
Thank you Joanne, for you precious collaboration.
Feeling grateful to Louis ππ for giving me the opportunity to share my reflections on her blog!
this is amazing! thank you for sharing!
If you have a chance, please check out my music/art blog. it would mean a lot!
https://thehighsnlows.com/drawings/
Thanks Lorraine ππ Glad to hear this article resonates with you. Will definitely stop by and pay a visit to your music and art blog! π€
means a lot thank you so much!
[β¦] The Art of Acceptance [β¦]