Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (Seriously, It’s a Trap)
You’re scrolling through your feed and bam—someone just got promoted, someone else just ran a marathon, and another person is vacationing in Bali looking suspiciously glowy. Meanwhile, you’re sitting in your pyjamas wondering if cereal counts as dinner. Again.
Let’s be honest—comparison is a sticky habit. We all do it. But if you’re wondering how to stop comparing yourself to others, here’s a truth bomb: it never leads where you think it will. As Jordan Peterson points out in Rule 4 of 12 Rules for Life, the only useful comparison is between who you are today and who you were yesterday.
Comparing yourself to others? That’s a fast track to frustration, envy, and the kind of existential dread that makes you question everything—including your choice of cereal.
As Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And joy is hard enough to come by these days without willingly handing it over to someone else’s gym selfies.
The Game Isn’t Fair—And That’s OK
Here’s the truth about life: it isn’t fair. It’s never been fair. It’s not even trying to be fair. Someone out there is always going to be richer, prettier, wittier, faster, or more photogenic while eating avocado toast. And when it comes to mental health and social comparison, this fact can make things worse.
Strangely enough, studies show that people don’t even want perfect equality. One paper from Yale University, titled Why People Prefer Unequal Societies, argues that most of us instinctively accept a bit of inequality—because it reflects effort, talent, or pure chaotic luck.
So what do we do with that knowledge? First, we stop expecting a level playing field. Second, we start learning how to focus on your own journey—not someone else’s.
Social Media: Comparison on Steroids
Once upon a time, we compared ourselves to classmates and cousins. Now? We’re side-eyeing billionaires, influencers, and people who somehow turned their dog into a brand.
Social media turned the comparison dial up to eleven, and we didn’t even notice the volume knob was melting. It’s the perfect storm of social media and self-esteem issues.
We’re constantly exposed to people’s curated wins, filtered lives, and good lighting. And even when we know it’s all edited, it still gets to us.
There’s a quote I love: “Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel.” That’s really what it is—a highlight reel. No one’s posting the footage of their three failed attempts, their tearful nights, or their blooper reel. But you live with your own raw footage every day. Of course it feels different.
Not One Game—But Many
Let’s dismantle a common myth: there isn’t just one ladder to climb. There are hundreds of games worth playing—some visible, some invisible, and some so delightfully weird you might just invent them yourself.
You are not just one thing. You are playing many games at once—career, family, friendships, fitness, creativity, personal growth. Some you’re winning. Some you’re learning. Some you’re fumbling through while googling, “How to be a functioning adult.”
And that’s not only normal—it’s ideal. If you’re winning everything, you’re probably not trying anything new. Growth is messy. So if you feel like a hot mess in one area, congratulations—you’re probably doing something brave.
As Zen Shin said, “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” So bloom in your own messy, glorious way.
Comparison vs. Curiosity
When we compare, we shrink. When we get curious, we grow. That’s one of the key insights for personal growth without comparison.
Instead of spiraling into self-doubt, ask:
- What inspires me about them?
- What are they doing differently?
- Do I even want what they have?
So often we envy people for things we don’t even truly desire—we just assume we should. But self-worth and confidence don’t come from chasing someone else’s dream. What fits them beautifully might feel awful on you. Like skinny jeans in July.
Learning From Others (Without Losing Yourself)
Yes, you can be inspired by others. But the moment inspiration turns into self-erasure, pause. Someone else’s win isn’t your failure. It’s just proof that winning is possible.
Let their story inform yours, not define it. The best kind of learning comes not from imitation, but from adaptation—taking what works and leaving the rest.
That’s how to build self-worth and confidence without losing your identity: by staying grounded in what feels right for you, not what looks good on someone else.
You vs. You (The Only Battle Worth Fighting)
This brings us back to the golden rule of personal growth: “The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.”
That’s it. That’s the whole secret. You don’t have to outrun anyone. You don’t need a gold star or a viral post or six-pack abs. You just need to move. Bit by bit. Day by day.
This is one of the most powerful tips for self-acceptance and self-love: accept that your pace is valid, your timeline is sacred, and your worth is not up for debate.
Your Life, Your Game
You don’t have to play the same game as everyone else. You can change the rules, switch the field, or invent your own sport entirely. One where you keep score in laughter, in late-night dance parties, in quiet mornings with tea and peace of mind.
And if none of that works? Go rogue. Start something weird and beautiful and completely yours. You might just find others waiting to play.
The best way to stay confident in a competitive world? Stop trying to compete and start trying to connect.
Final Thoughts (And a Friendly Nudge)
So next time you catch yourself using someone else as a benchmark for your own worth, pause. Remind yourself: comparison is the thief of joy, and joy deserves to be protected.
Don’t measure yourself against their path. Measure yourself by your growth, your resilience, your ability to keep going.
Let them bloom their way. You bloom yours. And if you must compare, compare your courage. Compare your kindness. Compare your commitment to becoming who you truly are.
Because you’re not here to win someone else’s game. You’re here to play your own—fully, joyfully, and on your own terms.
And this my dear friend, is your Quest.
💬 “If this sparked something inside you, don’t keep it to yourself. Drop me a thought, share it with a curious friend, read some more, or just come back soon. The Quest continues…”:
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